May 15, 2024

Ten Things I Have Learned in Two Months

This was written 47 days after losing Rhett. When I read it now, I know I was still in shock, but even then, my heart was searcing for hope.

Lorna Hering

Ten things I have learned...

1. This early in the process, it gets harder each day instead of easier. I am still waiting for the age old saying "Time heals all wounds" to even have a hint of truth.

2. Looking at Rhett's pictures and videos is a double edge sword. While they are beautiful and full of special memories, they are a reminder that this is all we have left of him.

3. It is hard to adjust to being a family of four. I always feel like we have left someone behind.

4. I thought I could skip the anger stage of grief because I have no one to be mad at. That is unrealistic...anger is a real stage of grief; I am just angry that Rhett is gone.

5. On earth, death is final! When Jimmy confirmed to me on December 28th that Rhett had not survived the accident, I had no idea how final that answer was. He was gone: he took with him his smile, his love, his laughter, and his hugs. Just gone... Instantly. No do over.

6. It hurts to watch people hurt for us and be unable to offer us a remedy for our pain. But, we are thankful for listening ears, meaningful tears, special opportunities, prayers, hugs, cards, meals, texts, new and old friends, and all offerings of love. People are good; we are thankful.

7. The only people who REALLY understand are those who have travelled this terrible journey of child loss before us. We NOW understand your pain and are so sorry you were detoured to this path. Thank you for welcoming us on this long, dark road. Your presence and guidance on how to take the next step is priceless. You offer us light in the darkness.

8. Many events that used to be full of joy are painful. For example, buying Valentine surprises for my kids. It was so hard to come home with surprises for Mara and Ryan...and something to set at Rhett's grave.

I will never give Rhett gifts or surprises again. My heart aches!

9. Enjoy the little things. I would love to wash Rhett's laundry and find a knife or a rock in his pocket. To get a text from him. To pick him up from practice and talk on our way home. To set a place for him at the dinner table. To run my fingers through his white blonde hair.

10. God is still God. Do I understand it all? Absolutely not!

Have I lost my faith in who Jesus is? Absolutely not!

I struggle with the "whys" as any mother would, but I KNOW in my heart and PROCLAIM with my voice that JESUS was the hero on December 28th. He rescued our injured son and took Rhett home to heaven. 

Isn't that victory over death? ABSOLUTELY!